|The Last Boss|
The Greatest Mind There Has Ever Been
|Real Name||Albert Wilson Wily|
|Code Name||Dr. Wily|
|Primary Specialty||Scientist Supreme|
|Weapons||Supreme intellect, inventions, Robot Masters, whackin' cane|
|Buster Colors||Grey and White|
|Voice Actor||Trace Beaulieu|
|Theme Song||[[theme::The Protomen - The Hounds]]|
"One small step for me, one giant leash for mankind!"
Albert Wily is a sociopathic megalomaniac bent on world domination. Driven by a fundamental belief that the world would be better under his iron fist, Albert has engaged in a war against everyone on Earth for nearly three decades. His story is well known: Wily was part of the team that created the first true androids, and felt that his contributions were being overshadowed by those of his more telegenic friend, Dr. Light. Wily stole the first androids and began a war of aggression to both show up his colleague and make the world over in his image. As time has passed, Wily has built or stolen more robots to help him with the mad schemes he hatches. Grudgingly recognized as the world's foremost scientific mind, Wily can build anything he can imagine. He has inadvertently revolutionized mechanical and electrical engineering, computer science, AI theory and high-energy physics in the course of his many failed attempts to conquer the world. An emotionally dysfunctional, monomanical narcissist, Wily has become increasingly erratic and unpredictable as time has passed, his downward spiral accelerated by the death of Thomas Light.
Ambition, Ego-Stroking, Electronics, Evil Laughter, German, Plotting, Robotics, Scheming, Tacky Dressing, Leaving Behind Spring-Headed Duplicates, Robots Should Only Be Used for Evil, Wilybrow (it's a trademark), Weeooeooeoo...
Albert Wily has burned his origin story into the Earth. He was born to a single mother in northern Germany. Albert never knew his father, and he was relentlessly spoiled by his guilt-ridden mother. His brilliance was immediately apparent, and he was put into a special state-run school to attempt to harness his incredible aptitude to the good of mankind. It didn't work very well. A renegade, Wily refused to submit to any authority but his own. He was bored even with genius-level work and slacked off for years, devising inventions that his guardians could not yet comprehend. Having no patience for fools, Wily left chaos in his wake, burning too bright and hot to control.
It was only when Wily met Light that Wily found a reason to focus himself. A chance meeting during freshman orientation at UC San Angeles began a rivalry that would split the world in two. In Light, Wily soon found a rival -- and a friend -- that would define the rest of his life. Light could check him. Wily had never been checked by anyone before. The sting of defeat was the novel sensation that he required, the thing that would truly make him GREAT.
The two had adventures together, finding themselves wrapped up in the world-spanning adventures of their teacher, Barry Caskett. They faced strangeness beyond imagination, and threats beyond possibility, and defeated them with their intellects (and Tom's thundering fists). But as Tom grew close to Barry's ill-fated daughter, Wily came to realize the joy of overcoming his foes in a more martial sense. It was not enough just to outsmart them. He needed to utterly subjugate them. Only then would they understand.
Time passed. Adventure turned to science. Wily, Tom and the team approached a revelation -- true AI. Wily worked on the project feverishly, bending his intellect to create a synthetic mind. But he did not have the spark, the divine insight, that Tom finally returned with shortly after Matilda's death. (Good, Wily had thought, when she had passed -- Tom would stop being distracted and put his full focus on work.)
Light breathed divinity into the world, and that is what rankled Wily the most. He didn't find the secret. He STILL has not found the secret, though he's duplicated that magical string of mathematics a hundred times. AI lives because AI lives; understanding the isness of AI has eluded Wily for his entire career. The unsolvable puzzle consumes him, eats into his mind like acid...
But they did it. The team made steel and plastic live. The adolation of an awed world was theirs... but no one wanted to deal with the lunatic with the mad eyes, but the square-jawed teddy bear of a man who could speak well. Tom had stolen Prometheus' fire, and now Tom was the only one who could stand in its light. Wily could bear it no longer.
Wily struck out by stealing the work that was rightfully his. The world that was too stupid to see his real genius, the genius of hard work and sweat and will rather than some sort of dumb accident, would need to be changed. He would reorder society. He would make the world a better place.
Wily has fought the whole world for nearly thirty years now. When he finally killed his best friend in a science duel, Wily thought the world would have collapsed at his feet. Instead, he was all but killed himself, brought back to life not by reverence, but by pity. Consumed by the failure of the world to acknowledge his genius even after PROVING IT, Wily has become increasingly self-involved and erratic, lashing out in venomous bursts of hyper-productivity between lengthy brooding sessions.
He will make a better world. He has no choice now -- Tom has frozen his legacy in history, so Wily must build the future.
How Wily Feels About You, Yes, You
Wily is the core of everything. Around him:
- Leonard. Wily's son. Wily's only flesh-and-blood son. Leonard will always be more valuable to Wily than any robot because Leonard is his. Illegitimate or not, absent for nearly thirty years or not, Leonard Regal is Wily's son. Wily keeps trying to groom Leonard to take his place, but progress has been slow. Leonard just doesn't seem to have a passion for maniacal laughter or humiliating his enemies like Dr. Wily does. He's just not having FUN, and that keeps Dr. Wily up at night. What if he isn't what he appears to be? What if this is just a really long con?
- Pat. Wily's adopted grandson. The former host of an Elder God. A violent psychotic with dissociative identity disorder. A complete monster. But there is brilliance in Pat, the same kind of mad energy that animates Wily himself. What Pat lacks in book learning he makes up for in sheer ingenuity.
Pat loves what he does for his grandpa, and has a passion for the same kind of deranged behavior that typifies the average day in Dr. Wily's life. Pat even has a girlfriend (despite the whole cross-dressing thing)! Pat seems to want to make Dr. Wily happy in every way, and Dr. Wily foolishly takes all of this at face value. Pat acts like he loves Dr. Wily, and Dr. Wily chooses to believe the facade. This may yet be his undoing.
The Robot Masters
- Enker. Wily made a robot to be a military genius so somebody else could arrange all the damned drones. This would have worked out better if Wily's models for military genius weren't all pre-modern generals who engaged in massive land warfare. Granted, Wily's drone army does allow for massive land warfare, but Enker has been less than useful with non-traditional combat. Yet again, Wily has to do everything of importance himself. Meanwhile, Enker is good at kiting off Colonel and General, which makes him extremely useful.
- Punk. A huge evil robot made out of spikes and hatred. Punk's design has been replicated on several occasions with variations on the general theme: 'I hate everything and want it to die'. It's a very useful paradigm for evil robots. Making Punk an angry drunk and driving his alcoholism slider all the way up ensured that Punk would always be a menace to everyone.
- Quint. Wily made an extremely deadly robot, probably the single most lethal thing he had ever made. Then he made Quint to drive the robot around to act as a check to its incredible power out of fairness. Quint thought he was the real power behind the robot, and that somehow that power could be 'severed' by some asinine thing Protoman did. Wily was so gobsmacked by this collosal arrogance that he never bothered to correct Quint's misapprehension. Sakugarne continues to be Wily's favorite Elite.
- Ballade. Wily made a robot to be his personal assistant. It became clear early on in his career that human beings could not keep up with his incessant, illogical demands at all hours of the night and day. Instead of continually hiring, firing and/or killing yet another sycophant, Wily designed a robot that would be perfectly happy to serve all of his demented needs. This will surely not lead to the robot becoming a psychotic who seeks to destroy him and all of his works completely. Because of this invincible confidence, Dr. Wily heavily armed the robot with shoulder-fired bomb launchers and a Gundam crest. Gundam crests are cool.
- Zero. This one time, Dr. Wily stole some plans from Tom for some bishonen sword fighter. At the time, Dr. Wily wondered if Tom was trying to build a boyfriend for Roll, since the sketches looked pretty romance novel cover. In truth, Dr. Wily ultimately learned that Tom was trying to build a girlfriend for Rock, but probably dropped in a male voice chip on accident. Since then, Zero has borne out the same behavioral traits Tom sees in women -- impulsiveness, getting all pissed off about nothing, and pouting when he doesn't get his way. Zero would be a great Robot Master if he stopped pretending his purpose was not murdering everything. This "helping the downtrodden" kick he's gotten on lately is just as galling as everything Gemini Man does, ever.
- Bass. Mega Man. MEGA MAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN. Mega Man kept getting up in Dr. Wily's face. Tom and his damn champion. He'd show him. HE'D SHOW ALL OF THEM. Since trying to outdo Tom with a robot with a sword was clearly TOO GOOD for Tom, Wily went back to a simpler, purer model by making a Mega Man recolor with better weapons systems and a worse attitude. Giving Bass the mental flexibility to make whatever choices were needed was counterbalanced by deeply ingraining into Bass the need to destroy Mega Man. In doing so, Wily felt that he was giving Bass a Purpose that would make his life happy and fulfilling. That this happiness was achieved by mass murder and horror does not really bother Dr. Wily very much. Bass is completely disloyal and amoral, but Wily expects that he will always be able to easily outwit him and maintain control.
- Dark Man. Having been given the shattered, cleaved remains of Blues as a 'welcome wagon' present by Nebula, Wily has never really trusted Dark Man that much. Despite this absence of trust, Wily has packed Dark Man with high-end Buster technology as well as his perversion of the Emulate system. Dark Man is heavily packed down with loyalty programming and is switched off whenever Wily has a routine outburst of paranoia. Even now, Wily wonders in his bleakest fantasties whether Dark Man is a deep cover mole working for the Illuminati. Or worse -- whether one day Blues will resurface, made more powerful than ever, and try to finish the job Guts Man started. For now, Dark Man is an incredible asset. But only for now. Already, Wily is trying to think of a new, better solution...
- Cache. Oh look. A solution. A fundamentally insecure mobile weapons platform eager for his maker's approval with all the cool toys a boy could want. Is it full of Martian kruft? Sure, but it's LOYAL and psychologically dependent on Albert Wily's validation. This is exactly what Dr. Wily wanted for Christmas. Go on, Dark Man. Rise up. See what happens.
- Slur. Some robots are made to pass butter. Some robots are made to push bread down people's throats. Slur was made to make Dr. Wily immortal. At first, Dr. Wily didn't know what to think of Slur. She seemed to be another surly femmebot who the Robot Masters would sand down and make fit in. As the months passed, Dr. Wily started to feel more fatherly protectiveness toward Slur. Perhaps it was the Wilygenesis Particle bombardment, or his own steadily degrading mental state, but he began to see in Slur things that he normally only saw in himself. Her desire to be recognized and accepted struck a chord with him; her brutal single-minded pursuit of his goals warmed his heart. It is Slur who now serves as the Force Commander, and is presently Wily's favorite robot.
- Magma Man. It took the Reploid industry of the world almost a decade to make Salvo Rabbit, the only Reploid worth Dr. Wily's time. Salvo Rabbit's hatred for everything around him made him worthy of being uplifted into an android. Given immortality and a vastly expanded weapons system, Magma Man is among Wily's favorite robots. Magma Man's purpose is to wreak directionless havoc and instill fear in the populace. Anything Dr. Wily does by comparison looks sane and reasonable. This plan will totally work.
- Air Man. Air Man is a big walking fan who Wily originally wanted to have maul people by jamming them into his main turbine. After several tests proved this would be unworkable, Wily decided to have him shoot air at people to knock them over. This was viscerally unsatisfying and led to further prototypes.
- Bubble Man. Wily was trying to make a conveyance device for his whiskey stones and inadvertently made an extremely dense projectile that worked great in water. Sometimes people hear Bubble Lead rattling and can't figure out why.
- Crash Man. Bombs are always a good idea, and Bomb Man was just too... too fat to be cool. Wily made an awesome helmet and a bomb cannon and built a robot around someone who would routinely use both. Wily also decided that it would be a good idea if the robot liked to drink so to lower its inhibitions toward using its weapon system. And so alcoholism became rampant in Wily's creations.
- Flash Man. Flash Man solely exists because Wily invented the timestopper independently. Realizing that he needed something to carry a timestopper bomb into the field, Wily made the shiniest thing possible at the time just so people would properly soil themselves when they saw Flash Man coming. Because of the terror this would provoke, Wily decided to make things fair and make Flash Man energy weak. And so timestopper technology proliferated everywhere.
- Heat Man. Nuclear weapons are funny. Wily put one into a metal box and built a robot around it. Since he had made the robot into a box, he decided to use it to grill hamburgers one day. And so Robot Masters learned to barbeque.
- Metal Man. The first true Robot Master. Wily gave him a weapon that he could use over and over again without getting tired. Flying metal discs are effective on just about anything. Making this weapon really useful seemed to be risky, so Wily decided to make Metal Man vulnerable to his own weapon to teach him to be careful with his shooting.
- Quick Man. Wily wanted a fast robot, so he made the fastest robot ever. A boomerang seemed to be a good idea because Quick Man would routinely outrun plasma shots and run into them, so a weapon he could catch mitigated that problem. Also, nobody likes Quick Boomerang.
- Wood Man. One time Wily got really bad poison ivy when he was a kid. The experience engendered in him a permanent hatred of plants. Wood Man was made as a statement to more or less say, 'screw you, Mother Nature, I can make a robot tree that can sing and dance and kill better than you'. Mother Nature has not officially replied.
- Gemini Man. Gemini Man was originally made to be a perfect terrorist, capable of being in two places at once. This was a great idea, Wily thought, because he'd really liked the 'Scream' series. How could they blame Gemini Man for an action when Gemini Man had been here THE WHOLE TIME? Unfortunately, making the perfect terrorist meant that he had, in fact, made the perfect terrorist -- and giving him the ability to carry out contradictory orders made it easier for him to disboey. Gemini Man going off and becoming a Splinter Cell ultimately proved Wily's concept and demonstrated his clear superiority in making terrorist robots. Wily rewarded his perfection by throwing Gemini out before he could make any more noise about leaving. Because nobody should ever leave. Nobody.
But at the same time, Gemini Man is the one child Wily has made that has given him a grandchild. Granted, that grandchild is Patrick Sprigs. The relationship Wily feels with Pat has started to change the way he looks at Gemini Man. Wily's long-buried feelings about family churn within him uncomfortably whenever he dwells too much on Gemini Man and his growing network of friends. Dr. Wily has never been good at "feelings"...
- Hard Man. Wily would rather think about Hard Man. Hard Man will never betray him. Hard Man is too busy jumping and landing on his head. Also, Wily gave Hard Man the gift of the ROCKET PUNCH. Hard Man is too dumb to appreciate its greatness, but that was Wily's intent all along... to frustrate his enemies, knowing that a smarter robot would realize the awesome power of the ROCKET PUNCH. Instead, they must covet Hard Man's fortune. That is justice.
- Magnet Man. A hacking robot made out of magnets and old copies of Newtype magazine. Wily finds it useful to have someone else to attend to basic computer maintanence, but Magnet Man's video-game playing abilities are ultimately his true strength. Never again would Wily want for cheevos.
- Needle Man. Wisenheimer robots were getting uppity and starting to think that Robot Masters dealt primarily in energy blasts. Once they were shot full of railroad ties, they started to change their damn tune. Also sometimes pictures need to be hung.
- Shadow Man. Wily has only built one ninja. The reason for this is obvious.
- Snake Man. A treacherous, underhanded, belly-crawling coward who mostly lies around all day and complains about doing work. In this respect, Snake Man acts as a reminder to Wily about what the rest of the world looks like.
- Spark Man. Spark Man has no hands. This is hilarious.
- Top Man. Top Man's sole task is to confound and confuse the enemy by spinning around constantly and not holding a single coherent thought in his head. His primary weapon is also a death trap. Wily felt very clever the first time Rock smashed into a wall when trying to use the Top Spin. Unfortunately, it didn't last.
- Bright Man. Wily made another timestopper, this time going for an even more obvious target, because Flash Man was still managing to survive the initial volley of frenzied fire. Wily amplified the horror of Bright Man by making him relentlessly cheerful. All of this makes perfect sense to Dr. Wily.
- Dive Man. Dive Man is made to stay underwater and shoot things with missiles. Wily toyed with the idea of making Dive Man sound like Sean Connery in The Hunt For Red October, but decided against it at the last minute. He would need an Alex Trebek first, but never got around to making him.
- Drill Man. Drill Man burrows through some things. He complains about everything else. Wily decided to make a bigger drill robot in the future to try to offset the work to complaints ratio.
- Dust Man. Dust Man routinely fails at even keeping the base clean. And yet, Dust Man has the greatest aspirations of any Robot Master. This tale of hope acts to intermittently inspire Wily. Dust Man has no other purpose.
- Pharaoh Man. Because movies about mummies shooting people with fire and having them devoured by scarabs is a perfectly reasonable theme for a robot.
- Ring Man. Wily is easily bored by criminals, so made a criminal robot to do the crime work for him. Ring Man, and his brother in arms Flame Man, free up Wily's time to eat sandwiches and sleep.
- Skull Man. Wily imagined that a fierce skeleton robot would be scary, like a My Little Pony villain. Instead, Skull Man became scary like Skeletor is scary. The old Skeletor. The one with the limp wrist. After a few years of that, Wily put a personality randomizer applet into Skull Man and programmed it to fire randomly. That made things more interesting.
- Toad Man. Toad Man is a foul-smelling robot with four eyes and enough noxious chemicals to poison an entire city. Sometimes you need to convey your contempt to your enemies in a very unambiguous way.
- Charge Man. Wily always broke his train sets as a kid. Charge Man now breaks other people's train sets. There is a symmetry to this in Wily's mind.
- Crystal Man. One too many infomercials and a general contempt for Gypsies led to the creation of Crystal Man, who doesn't get to be in on the joke. Karma, Wily thinks, and moves on.
- Gravity Man. Gravity Man controls gravity in localized areas. He has a helpful gauge on his chest to explain what he is doing so that the terrified populace may comprehend their doom. Sometimes Wily wants to dance on the ceiling.
- Gyro Man. Gyro Man has nothing to do with food. Sometimes Wily gets really interested in parts and starts fixating on them, and on one occasion he became obsessing about gyroscopes. As a result, Gyro Man is optimized for stunt flying and is kind of ass in combat.
- Napalm Man. Why reinvent the wheel?
- Star Man. Star Man plays guitar. Nobody understands Wily's taste in music.
- Stone Man. Sometimes there is a need for someone to literally fight a brick wall. Visual puns are the least of Wily's terrible weapons. The world should submit to him before he makes a robot based on a limerick.
- Wave Man. Wily needed another water robot, and decided to go with a pirate theme. He didn't like how it came out, but at least he routinely steals from people and digs lots of holes. Maybe he will find his way to Lazy Town.
- Blizzard Man. They said a robot made out of snow would never work. Fools. FOOLS
- Centaur Man. Making a robot with two legs was getting boring, so Wily made one with four legs. It just didn't look right so he decided not to do that any more. However, since he had made a disturbing looking robot, he put a timestopper in it just to make it fair game.
- Flame Man. One time Wily bought a fake watch from an Arabic guy in Times Square for too much money. The memory of that incident caused Flame Man to be born. When Wily found that guy years later, Flame Man burned him and his entire family to death. He never knew why.
- Knight Man. Suits of armor should walk, talk, and speak in bad English accents.
- Plant Man. Wily's hatred for plants manifested again, this time during allergy season. Making a robot with petals around its head was a homage to Daffy Duck's appearance in Duck Amuck. Nobody gets it.
- Tomahawk Man. The first of two "hit people with pointy things" robots. Wily wondered if throwing axes would be suitably novel. They turned out to be kind of mediocre, but Tomahawk Man was too loud to get rid of.
- Wind Man. Wily thought that putting two fan turbines on either side of the robot would allow for greater mincing action, but the smaller turbines were even worse at shredding people than the one big one. Once again, back to hitting people with air. Christ.
- Yamato Man. The other "hit people with pointy things" robot. Yamato Man threw a spear at people. This was different enough to hold Wily's interest for a while. Yamato Man also had suitable hustle to win some land and fight the good fight, so Wily briefly took over Japan as a sort of thank you.
- Burst Man. Sometimes you should just not build when you're angry. But only sometimes.
- Cloud Man. Wily played a lot of Mario Kart in college. A cloud robot that could drop things on you seemed like a great idea. When the falling blocks seemed to be too easily dodged, Wily upgraded Cloud Man to throw lightning. That shut the haters up.
- Freeze Man. Wily hadn't built a robot to hit people with ice for a while, so made a self-hating misanthrope to be sure that a lot of things would get frozen for a long time.
- Junk Man. A shambling pile of broken metal that thinks itself clever. This is what Wily thinks of you, non-Wily robots. Junk Man will never be allowed to die.
- Shade Man. Vampires are cool. Then again, so are fezzes, but many people disagree. Wily wears a fez whenever it suits him. Just not for you.
- Slash Man. DURP DURP LOOK AT THE ANIMAL REPLOIDS, DURP DURP THIS IS HOW YOU LOOK NOW GO CHASE THE LASER POINTER
- Spring Man. What do you do with a huge spring and a pair of extra feet? What indeed? Lesser men could not conceive it.
- Turbo Man. Wily liked Bumblebee the best. Sometimes Wily imagined he was Bumblebee and could transform to get away from everyone. Transform and roll out, Wilybee. Transform and roll out.
- Aqua Man. He's not gay. This is camp. Camp is different. Camp is cool. Also he squirts water everywhere and is big and fat. Clearly he's not gay. What a ridiculous thing to think. Sometimes Wily wonders about what you people are thinking about.
- Astro Man. SSSSSSPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
- Clown Man. Clowns are scary. Robots that try to be scary aren't. In making Clown Man, Wily made clowns not scary. This is worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize. When the Nobel Committee refused to nominate him for the prize, Wily had Clown Man kill the UN Senate.
- Frost Man. Having made a robot out of snow, Wily conquered the next frontier of making a robot primarily made out of Creamsicles.
- Grenade Man. If the Reploid builders don't care enough to give them faces, Wily clearly doesn't need to care enough to make all his Robot Masters want to live.
- Search Man. Wily hates the saying two heads are better than one. He heard it a lot from Tom. He made a robot with two heads to prove that two heads are worse than one. No one understood. No one but Tom.
- Sword Man. Because they kept making Reploids with swords, Wily made a robot whose only function was to carry around a giant sword and hit people with it. They did not understand his critique and started making robots more like Sword Man. Wily became more frustrated.
- Tengu Man. Making a robot who always wore a mask surely would not end with some kind of obvious betrayal. That would be ridiculous.
- Magic Man. Having made a clown, Wily then made a stage magician. His powers of games of chance and skill were also very great. Wily considered making a carnival, but decided that he preferred watching the dirty Cirque de Soleil show without tainting it with Robot Masters banging into each other like the comic relief. Why can't more women be gymnasts?
- Burner Man. Red barrels explode. What if you made a robot out of red barrels and put pressure valves all over it? Would it explode instantly or explode slowly? This is the purpose of science.
- Cold Man. Wily made Heat Man in reverse by accident the day that he created the Reverse Thermodynamics Ray. Cold Man so impressed Wily that Wily kept him around.
- Dynamo Man. Wily watched all the Toy Story movies. He wanted to be Buzz Lightyear. He also didn't want Andy to give away his toys in the end. The trauma from this led to Dynamo Man being created. Dynamo Man saved the world once. No one cared.
- Ground Man. A larger, better drilling robot. This time he thought to give it tank treads. And missiles. The missiles really bring the robot together.
- Pirate Man. The other pirate robot wasn't working out. Wily thought that giving a new robot a pirate hat denoting rank may make it less treacherous. Instead, it only made it drunker. The hook hand counterbalances this failure.
- Bowl Man. Wily took a ball return machine, a "cursed" bowling ball, and a strong antipathy toward Saturday afternoon television and made a robot bowler. It also kills people, but mostly it hustles money out of midwesterners.
- Color Man. Clowns continue to be scary, so Wily didn't try to make Color Man scary this time. And it turned out that Color Man wasn't scary, but damned if he was annoying. Wily added a rainbow of damage types to him to try to counterbalance this negative survival trait.
- Laser Man. Wily thought a robot that only shot lasers was boring, so added a bunch of different laser types to the robot to liven it up. The robot only managed to become more boring. An important lesson was learned by someone who wasn't Dr. Wily.
- Mist Man. A hologram emitter that specialized in smoke effects that can kill people? Of course!
- Shark Man. Inheriting discarded pets is part of the burden of being a parent. Wily euthanized most of the other pets Scott left him and kept Shark Man for the sake of a single visual pun.
- Thunder Man. Sometimes robots are Mexican mummy wrestlers.
- Gate Man. Continuing in the fine tradition of building robots around weapons systems, Wily made the single most useful Buster primary in the history of robotics by attaching a randomized subspace gate to a Robot Master. Society as a whole improved. Wily continues to not receive the Nobel Peace Prize.
- VIDEO MAN. Because you see Video Man is very important. So important that he needs to never stop talking. His multi-phase timestopper is one of the more useful devices Wily has created recently, but Video Man would rather waste his time making Internet television. Leonard got an A for concept but an F for execution.
- Planet Man. Yelling fat men are always funny. A yelling fat man that doubles as a useful map? Now Leonard was starting to hit his stride.
- Desert Man. A horrific siege weapon made out of sand with a tiny hat. Leonard seemed to have forgotten the lesson of Tropic Thunder about full retard. Nonetheless, much better than Video Man.
- Killer Man. Leonard took a giant shit on the memory of "Scott Wily" (Wily's internal name for Scott is 'sleeve') by taking a failed design and making it look and sound interesting. This happened by way of brutal parody, which is even better in Wily's book. More like this, son.
- Swallow Man. Wily wonders why this 'green flying suit' motif keeps reappearing and grows concerned with its prevalence. Swallow Man is mercifully free of the burdens of intelligence, so may not realize his subversive effect on the world Wily is destined to conquer.
- Grid Man. Leonard likes American-style football. Go figure. Alternately he needed something to slam armor onto to act as a big hulking bruiser. Wily, always more of a European soccer fan (for the beer), is ambivalent.
- Concrete Man. Because a certain kareoke robot thought he was irreplacable. THINK AGAIN, GUTS MAN
- Galaxy Man. SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
- Hornet Man. The results of watching a Nicholas Cage marathon and replaying the last 30 minutes of 'The Wicker Man' over and over again. Wily still has a dull antipathy toward bees, but robot bees will obey his commands.
- Jewel Man. Because a certain terrorist robot thought he was irreplacable. HE WILL ALWAYS JUMP HIGHER THAN YOU, ALWAYS
- Plug Man. The day that Wily finally got fed up with the European vs. American plug standards was a bad day for planet Earth.
- Splash Woman. Having deduced that the allied powers are vulnerable to things like 'breasts' and 'hips', Wily devised a robot that uses those attributes. And because moe girls need a handicap, Wily made Splash Woman without legs. The sheer genius of this plan is unbeatable.
- Tornado Man. As pictured.
- Blade Man. Leonard made the dumbest Overlord the smartest Overlord. Now Blade Man understands a tiny fraction of what it is like to be Albert Wilson Wily.
- Chill Man. There hadn't been a good ice robot in a while, so Wily made this one a frustrated artist purely to express his own increasing frustration with the failure of humanity to submit to his benevolent rule.
- Commando Man. DURP DORP TASC DURP DURP GUNS GUNS DURP FRENZIC god i hate you all
- Nitro Man. Wily forgot he had already made Bumblebee and made him again. Happily, this means that Wily now has TWO transforming cars. Suck it.
- Pump Man. Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to be used to kill you horribly.
- Sheep Man. A fluffy adorable looking robot animal that bleeds liquid evil and shoots lightning. How can Wily make this any clearer to you?
- Solar Man. SOLAR PLEXUS
- Strike Man. Wily hates the fucking Yankees. But really, who doesn't?
- Giga Man. Scott Wily's greatest creation.
- Compass Man. A lost puppy that needed to be paper-trained to serve Leonard to make it at all useful. Hula-hoop champion tho.
- AirCon Man. He keeps the room cool. Wily doesn't know if it does anything else. Never really thought to ask.
- Flora Man. Scott Wily did not understand Duck Amuck. So he made a hyper-masculine Scotsman, which is only MORE gay.
- Ghost Man. Leonard Wily's greatest creation.
- Element Man. The most eloquent robot ever built.
- Judge Man. No, MY version of the Monopoly rules are correct, and I can prove it.
- Blast Man. Blast Man's horrible laugh permanently prevents him from becoming an officer. He can be a proxy for Magma Man in a pinch.
- Cosmo Man. Dr. Wily thought Cosmo Man's suffusion with Dark Matter was interesting, but Cosmo Man is best appreciated while Dr. Wily is smoking up and listening to jam bands. Cosmo Man thinks these incidents are merely Dr. Wily meditating on his latest brilliant scheme to defeat his enemies forever, and so will stand around talking about his overarching schemes while Dr. Wily cleans out an entire box of Oreos.
- Express Man. Master Albert wanted to make Quick Man again. Dr. Wily saw Express Man in a different light: He is the ultimate photobomber. With Express Man's help, Dr. Wily will be in every picture ever taken. Every. Single. One.
- Beast Man. A murderous robot who is constantly looking for external validation. Very useful.
- Clock Man. The single most dangerous Martian robot. Dr. Wily knew this when Clock Man swaggered in last, well behind his brother, after hiding out with Video Man for a while. Smart, cunning and deliberate, Clock Man has all of the things that make Gemini Man threatening (divided processing, solid holograms) combined with a growing mastery of temporal mechanics. When an alternate universe Clock Man stole Sonia Strumm, Dr. Wily wasn't surprised. Clock Man rode out the entire campaign in the common room, watching every movie ever made and getting current on timestopper literature. There will come a time when Dr. Wily likely has to deal with Clock Man, but that day has not yet come. But it will.
Those Not Of Wily
His dearest friend. His worst enemy. The one human being in the world who could understand him. All the other scientists, all the other robots, none of them matter. Wily's world was oriented toward making Tom admit that he was right, and that Tom was wrong. It was Tom's validation that Wily sought the most, needed most badly, because in Tom he could get the recognition of a peer. They needed each other to break their intense isolation from the rest of humanity.
Tom always tried to reach out to the dull fools around him, but Wily knew it was his place to rule over them. Tom never gave up on them. Tom's hope rankled Wily, constantly reminding him of his own isolation. Why wouldn't Tom just stand with Wily, as he was intended to, and lord over the world with him?
They made war across the planet. Light was just as complicit in Wily's schemes as Wily himself, at least in Wily's mind. Time and time again, they both had their chances to put the other one out of his misery -- and time and time again, they stayed their hand, let the other slip away to fight another day. They needed each other. Who else could carry their burdens? Who else could understand the terrible beauty in each other's minds? Tom insisted it was just to allow Wily the chance to mend his ways, but Wily knew... Tom loved the game just like Wily did. How else but total war could they demonstrate their total mastery?
Killing him was an accident. It was never supposed to reach that point. Things got out of control when he killed Rock. Could you imagine? Killing Rock. Wily had done far worse to that kid, but on that one occasion, that one day, Wily did by accident that his entire army could not do for twenty years.
He killed Rock. The avalanche started. Tom would not, could not, forgive that transgression. And so they fought to the death, because it was how it had to be... and Tom's broken heart, Tom's essential weakness, was why Wily prevailed. It was the victory he had always wanted -- but before he could even really understand what was happening, the Alphas turned against him.
They both came back. Of course they both came back. Wily was too valuable to humanity to be allowed to die, and Tom was too stubborn to stay dead. Wily picked up some chrome and Tom became Obi-Wan Kenobi, and their battles resumed.
But it was ... hollow, in a way, because Wily never trusted that the hologram was really Tom. In the end, it proved to be just the same as his old rival, dying again in the name of others. Wily could not forgive Tom for doing that to him again, for dying and leaving him alone. And so Wily vowed to push Tom out of his mind, and find a new rival to invest his time into. He made himself young so to be better positioned to build up a lifelong nemesis. One will come. One day. He has to.
- Rock. Mega Man. The thorn in his side. The fly in the ointment. The physical incarnation of Tom's failed philosophy of love and peace. Wily could not truly find it in himself to hate Tom -- but he could hate Rock, hate him for everything he represented. Rock refuses to fall. He refuses to be tarnished. He refuses to accept the world as it is, and insists that the world should be as he imagines it. It is maddening. Unacceptable. The torments of Bass are still too good for Rock, who now lives on even after his maker's demise. Wily will see Rock destroyed, next time for good, and then Tom will have to accept that Wily was right all along.
- Roll. Following in Tom's footsteps. Wily sees the occasional spark of genius in Roll's designs, but she lacks the quintessence of Tom. She is brilliant like a machine can be brilliant, like Enker -- but Tom was something more, something greater. Still, Roll could grow to become a distraction for Wily in his endless crusade to conquer the world. She may not be champagne, but she could at least be a shot of whiskey.
- Edward. Doddering old fool. He was old when Wily was young. His time has come and gone. The most maddening part about him is his lack of drive, his utter absence of ambition. All he seems to want to do is put giant squishy breasts on female robots and walk around only wearing a robe. He may as well be making shark girl robots.
- Pavel. A monster. A devil. A man that may, perhaps, be a surrogate for Tom. Pavel is brilliant when he allows himself to be, but lives in terror of his own genius. His creations have carved a bloody swath into the Earth, leaving undying scars in the memories of millions. It is a damned impressive body of work, but until Pavel stops hiding in a bunker somewhere in the Arctic Circle, he's not going to be much fun to goad.
- The Alphas. Tom's stupid robots. At least Guts Man proved Wily right in the end -- a craven, lazy drunkard will always be a craven, lazy drunkard. Let them all go be Neo Hunters for what Dr. Wily cares. He's made better machines since.
- TASC. It's the Maverick Hunters again! Same great taste, just as empty and useless as before. They don't even have Mega Man this time. Most of the entertaining ones have left to go form their own ridiculous Maverick Hunter Extreme group --
- Greymalkin Arsenal. Because Zero can't do anything right without help. Kraft is likely a better administrator than Zero will ever be. On the other hand, Kraft is more clearly the son of Big Boss, and is certainly planning to conquer the world eventually. Why else make a giant private army? First the Mavericks (good), and then the rest of the world (less good, as the world belongs to ALBERT WILSON WILY). This will need to be dealt with sooner or later. For now, Wily relies on Zero's inherent ability to ruin everything to bring the PMC down.
- Star Force. New bottle, old whine. Their effort to include more humans in the organization to stave off the inevitable robot revolt won't work. They spend too much time questioning their masters and having moral conflicts over INCREDIBLY SIMPLE PROBLEMS to be any kind of real threat to Dr. Wily in the long term. The fact that they continue to defeat Dr. Wily by sheer bull-headedness is clearly the result of Dr. Wily sandbagging or chance. Dr. Wily can crush them any time he wants. ANY. TIME.
- Ouroboros. A gang of ninjas, pirates and robots. Finally, something worth fighting! The Chinese remind Wily of his younger days as an adventurer. The Professor is another candidate for arch-rival status, though he's not quite right either... he's too calm, and he doesn't have the passion that Wily came to expect from Tom. It's absolutely no fun if the other guy doesn't seem to care in the least. Meio's gnomic plotting does not impress Wily. Who cares about some kind of ridiculous eugenics program when there is science to be done?
- Nephilim. Dr. Wily remembers Gospel. This is just like it, except ALSO the Mavericks and Black SHIELD at the same time. It's like a perfect storm of things Dr. Wily hates: uppity Reploids, smart-asses who think they know better than him, and humorless hipsters. No group that harbors Ed Kirk and Incentas can be up to any good. They want to knock down the UN (good?) and end war (ha ha), but then...? Dr. Wily figures the following step is "kill all humans" and so does not adjust his operational expectations. Mavericks are to be blown up with rockets.
- Grave. A group of cast-off misfit robots, unwanted ninjas and uppity women. Dr. Wily is more tolerant of them than other groups because of his family connections. Pat seems to want to be friends with them, and encouraging Pat to make friends is almost certainly beneficial. Right? Leonard also seems to miss his time with his old friends, and his sad-sack moods are enough to ruin the whole day. As such, Dr. Wily finds himself in the awkward position of trying to rebuild emotional connections to his runaway robots while balancing the desires of his family. He's still not comfortable with the concept of having a daughter-in-law. "Feelings" aren't a thing he does. They distract him from conquest, which is something he DOES understand...
- Everyone else. Ants.