|Real Name||Edgar Friendly|
|Function||Mayor of San Angeles|
|Buster Colors||Lime Green & Dark Tan|
"We have to be ready for anything!"
The Mayor of San Angles, Edgar Friendly took control after the Robot Master raids and turned the city into a totalitarian fortress. To prevent such a disaster from happening again, he put the entire city into a constant state of martial law, with cameras watching everywhere, heavily armed police patrolling every step of the way, and enough tightly-wound defenses to stop any offensive action from ever working. Paranoid to the extreme, Mayor Friendly is xenophobic of outsiders, a conspiracy theorist and is not afraid to use overwhelming force on any threat - real or perceved.
Average White Suburbanite Slob, Likes: Football & Porno & Books About War, Owns An Average House With A Nice Hardwood Floor, Enjoys Cuban Cigars, Has Fun At Others' Expense, Drives Really Slow In The Ultrafast Lane, Pisses On Public Toilet Seats, Walks Around In Summer Saying "How About This Heat?", Sometimes Parks In Handicapped Spaces
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible - hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights.
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles an hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non- biodegradable Styrofoam containers, and when I'm done suckin' down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth on the American flag and then toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side, and there ain't a Goddamned thing anybody can do about it, you know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why!
Two words - nuclear fucking weapons, okay? Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tienanmen Square and it won't make a lick of difference, because we’ve got the bombs, okay?
John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen! And when we find a cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million times. That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be.
I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes and Lee Marvin and Sam Peckinpah and a case of whiskey and drive down to Texas-
Hey you know you really are an asshole?
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?